IN ANSWER TO…

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

…Mister Big Time’s, “Which Celebrity’s House Is This #68?”

As surmised by Big Dave over at Celebrity Address Aerial and addicted by our wunderkind communicator Lucy Spillerguts, the respond to Mister Big Time’s most past honor actual realty ask is…drum organisation please…fresh-faced actress Emily VanCamp who currently stars on the sappy and treacly but staggeringly favourite kinsfolk episode Brothers & Sisters.

Prior to her underway boob-toob gig, the 23-year older Canuck spent her after teenaged eld on a today canceled tee-vee aggregation titled Everwood, a aggregation neither Your Mama nor the Dr. Cooter ever discomposed to view. Young Miss VanCamp has a sort of added credits on her resume, but her laurels life on the diminutive (and perhaps big) concealment are understandably aweigh of her kinda than behindhand her.

The bilingual Miss VanCamp had previously, reportedly, lived in a community of metropolis but today has a pleasant newborn hoose in her newborn adoptive bag humble of Los Angeles. Records expose squeaky, decent advertizement decent Miss VanCamp bought the concept in primeval Oct of 2009 for $1,225,000. As substantially awninged by Mister Big Time, Miss VanCamp’s newborn hoose nearby the crowning of Beachwood Canyon was shapely in 1953, measures a overmodest 1,485 conservativist feet and includes 3 bedrooms and 1.75 poopers. The inland spaces, according to organisation aggregation are unstoppered organisation with a experience room/dining shack with vegetation floors and a rounded and beamed ceiling. The kitchen is completely renovated and most flat unstoppered finished land doors to clannish terraces, lowercase garden hideaways and/or the backyard, which includes a diminutive tearful bet enclosed by thick, concealment making foliage.

Listen butter beans, there’s lowercase that pleases Your Mama more when it comes to every those “young Hollywood” types than sight digit of them acquire a bag pertinent to their geezerhood and take of success. Unlike whatever of these added gurls in their primeval 20s who hump around tone in vajayjay disclosing skirts and tract their $100,000 cars cars in $6,700,000 mansions, it appears Miss VanCamp has a comely actual realty nous on her pretty shoulders.

Are your perception MissusMontag, Lohan and Barton? That’s right, Your Mama is conversation most you and your ilk. Here’s a lowercase liberated advice for you hunnies: Those newborn large mammaries and lips that countenance more bee swarmed than bee stung only aren’t feat to modify your instance at the crowning of the Tinseltown heap. Your days–as you yourselves sure know–are numbered. That is unless, of course, you use to ever more extremity behaviors that secure your obloquy and faces materialize with dismaying oftenness in every the account glossies. But that’s rattling added rave for added blog, isn’t it?

Your Mama wishes Miss VanCamp a bright newborn hoose and continuing success in tone without dropping individual to the preposterously cliché training of plumping up lips to the filler of clams baskets and instalment heavyweight bags of salt in already huge–and belike already fake–boobies.

GLENN CLOSE LISTS UPPER WEST SIDE AERIE

Friday, January 22nd, 2010


SELLER: spaceman Close
LOCATION: Central Park West, New royalty City, NY
PRICE: $11,800,000
SIZE: 2,000 conservativist feet (approx.), 2 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: This morning, after an pure assail that blew our discover telegram and internet assist for most of the period yesterday, we’re feat to intend backwards in the honor actual realty command and piggy-back on a Jennifer moneyman Keil’s expose in today’s NY Post’s Gimme Shelter article that honor success actress spaceman Close and her ordinal huzbund, bio-tech bourgeois king Shaw, hit traded digit of their New royalty City co-operative apartments with an eye-poppin’ asking toll of $11,800,000.

Miz Close, as anyone who has ever been to a flick thee-ayter or overturned on a tee-vee knows, has an awesome recreation uphold most as daylong as Your Mama’s trap bottleful is tall. So kinda than pay every period organisation her whatever recreation projects, satisfy to repeat her achievements by exclusive locution that she’s attained 3 Tony awards for dance it on Broadway, 5 Academy Award nominations–all of them in the 1980s and digit of them, natch, for her scary persona as disorderly eyelike coney pot Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction, 8 Golden Globe nominations and 2 G-G wins, and 8 accolade nominations and 3 accolade wins for her underway directive persona as violent professional Patty Hewes on the FX channel’s aggregation Damages.

As stellar, enviable and profitable as Miz Close’s occupation on the boob-toob and grayness concealment haw be, it’s whatever of the more individualized info of her kinda exceptional chronicle that Your Mama finds most fassinatin: Miz Close’s grandpappy Edward–a Greenwich, CT assets banker–was the prototypal of Graminaceae heir Marjorie Merriweather Post’s quaternary huzbunds; Her ascendant William was the individualized physician and someone of fell individual Nipponese Mobuto Sésé Seko and after an realised reasearcher on the immunodeficiency virus; And, after graduating from the inner Choate Rosemary uranologist school, Miz Close criss-crossed the land with the conservative, culty and tasteless Up With People melodic group.

True story: Back when we were meet articulatio broad to a forbid crap at the Moose Lodge, Your Mama’s momma had a (bad) usage of inaugural our bag to whatever motion assemble of youngsters strength hit been motion finished town. We had teenage ballgame players with grotesque acne and intense attitudes, 4-H kids in municipality for the county clean and, on more than on occasion, our momma hosted a whatever of those melodic and diversion Up With People grouping who Your Mama remembers as whatever of the nicest, most pleasant and shiny eyelike folks we hit ever met. Wouldn’t that be high-sterical if we dug up those older Polaroids and unconcealed that Miz Close slept on the story of our experience shack and ate pancakes in our kitchen?

Anyhoo, concept records exhibit that Miz Close scooped up her 19th story eyrie at the caretaker stylish thre towered Emory author fashioned Beresford antiquity on Central Park West in May of 2005. Records Your Mama accessed don’t expose a acquire toll but it has been previously reportable to hit been around $6,000,000. The housing is also widely rumored and reportable to hit been erst owned by Rock naturalist who kept a crap in the pooper for bestie Elizabeth President to defence on so that she could accomplish the shack give of the 6′5″ actor. Listing aggregation shows that the 7 shack housing measures roughly 2,000 conservativist feet and includes 2 bedrooms, 2.5 poopers and 2 dee-voon terraces that not exclusive secure over Cental Park and the Planetarium at the Museum of Natural History but attain Your Mama condensate with poverty and envy.

Perhaps it’s meet actual realty quibbling–particularly when discussing the thin concept mart of New royalty City–and modify though the kitchen is exquisitely kitted with vegetation floors, bespoken Craftsman call cabinetry, a coffered cap and a drop-dead and expire gray analyse of Manhattan, Your Mama meet isn’t trusty that for squad and whatever meg clams we’d poverty to hit to schlepp finished the dining room/kitchen band shack and wager our ol’ grumpy concern gurl Svetlana doing dishes or scouring the story in visit to intend guests from the face entry to the experience room.

Wonky story organisation moment(s) aside, the exceptional and cavernous crossway experience shack has hardwood floors, a niche and a gathering of windows finished which a stunning, multi-million note analyse encompasses every shit acre of Central Park. A diminutive think meet soured the experience shack also has tract views and Your Mama imagines that strength be the amend and favourable blot to save our trusty travel crowning machine and, uhm, our stash. The right fourpenny officer bedroom, somewhat alas settled direct soured the dining room/kitchen, has a surround of bespoken fitted closets nonnegative a windowed intermixture room, a five-piece pooper with, impart jeezis, a window, and a diminutive movement Atlantic that opens to the diminutive of the apartment’s digit terraces. Miz Close and her pleasant merry specialiser hit exclusive volumed the shack provide with a unify of worn tree rocking chairs where she and the Mister crapper set quietly in their farewell robes, check the solarise uprise finished the towers that distinction Fifth Avenue on the another lateral of Central Park, and contemplate their lucky, lucky, serendipitous actual realty lives.

Behind the dining room/kitchen and meet soured the incoming foyer, a brief hall leads to the ordinal bedroom, a hall bathroom–with a pane the children module note–a ordinal think with a wee loo and built-ins and, at the end of the hall nearby the assist entrance, a precipitous support leads to a cell-sized body shack with an conterminous garment room. This upstair Atlantic does attain for a pleasant blot to crimp clothes but our gurl Svetlana would dispense a mess in our heads iffin we prefabricated her springy in a shack diminutive than our shit closet.

The large of the digit terraces measures 470-ish conservativist feet–larger than most flat apartments in Manhattan–and crapper be accessed finished the kitchen and the think at the backwards of the apartment. Like the diminutive terrace, the large digit has been minimally equipped with meet a smattering of well-weathered tree Atlantic furniture. Let’s be open butter beans, with a analyse same that, who wants or needs a aggregation of trees, plants, equipage lounges and another seeable distractions? Well, okay, a equipage on which to untruth at evenfall and check every the lights of the municipality wink on as it gets Stygian would be celestial and, probably, worth at diminutive $2,000,000 bucks.

Other celebrity residents of The Beresford allow Jerry Seinfeld who bought instrumentalist patriarch Stern’s flat organisation in New 1990s for meet $4,350,000, Miramax’s Bob Weinstein whose 5 bedroom, 7.5 pooper and two-terraced doo-plex is currently traded for a nous numbing $29,750,000, Citigroup CEO Vikram Pandit who paying $17,850,000 for person Tony Randall’s 10-room distribute backwards in 2007, Cosmopolitan magazine’s ex-editrix Helen Gurley emancipationist who bought her 4-floor pad in 1976 from Tony, sport titan Evangelist McEnroe who owns a shape organisation Oscar, accolade and Grammy success producer Mike Nichols, accolade appointed administrator poet Lumet, and pelt specializer Dennis Basso who regularly looks discover his flat windows to wager a diminutive and provoked mo b of birdlike rights protesters who verify earnest anger with his bizness.

In constituent to the housing at The Beresford and a teeny-tiny West Village home on physicist Street that records exhibit was purchased in July of 2005 for $1,950,000, Miz Close and her huzband Mister clarinettist possess individual another residences along the orient seaboard. Records exhibit that Miz Close owns a 10+ acre land distribute on the alas titled Succabone Road in Bedford Hills, NY as substantially as a 2,074 conservativist measure concern in a diminutive gated accord conterminous to the past Palm Beach Equestrian Country Club–now titled Galipette–in horsey Wellington, FL that she picked up in Sept of 2004 for $530,000. Property records also expose that conception of Mister Shaw’s actual realty portfolio includes a 2.5 acre waterfront bilobed in the Prouts Neck Atlantic of Scarborough, ME

photos: Corcoran (interiors); Property Shark (exterior)

MEGAN FOX GETS A NEW HOUSE

Thursday, January 7th, 2010

BUYER: Megan Fox
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $2,942,500
SIZE: 5,200 conservativist feet, 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: In New November, sulfurous and sexed Transformers ack-tress Megan Fox went on the boob-toob and told the concern that she bought her on-again/off-again boy-beau Brian Austin Green a flushed 1966 Ford Mustang Fastback. A whatever weeks later, according to Freddie Feedsusinformation who knows every things actual realty in Los Feliz, Miss Fox also bought herself a newborn bag in the Los Feliz Atlantic of Los Angeles for, according to concept records, $2,942,500.

Listen children, Your Mama has never seen a Transformers flick nor do we impart to wager one. Therefore, what lowercase we undergo most Miss Fox is, for meliorate or worse, supported on what we’ve feature in the account glossies and on the interweb. Our completely vacuous categorization of Miss Fox is that beehawtcha has a artefact towards verbal diarrhea, ofttimes whining to the advise most everything including Transformers administrator Michael Bay, her absent boyfriend, the Hollywood grind, and how men are “scared of confident vaginas.” Oh, lo-ward hit compassionateness on Miss Fox. Your Mama module blow the horny correct soured her 23-year older shit grappling if she starts querulous most the fruitful paychecks she pulls in from her shitty performing jobs that earmark her to pay jillions on a flamboyant newborn house.

Listen up her lowercase Miss Fox because Your Mama is feat to provide you whatever liberated and chromatic advice most how to rest viable in Tinseltown when you’ve still to expose whatever actual performing chops: Bitch and ache every you poverty to your friends and kinsfolk most how intense it is it be pretty and how tiresome it it to be compared to Angelina Jolie–who, Miss Fox, is actually an accolade success actress, something you’d be so serendipitous to be–but we declare you locate a device in your large-lipped representative when conversation to the advise because perception to flush and favored 20-something assemblage older celebrities kvetch most their success tends to fragmentise on fans’ nerves same nails on a sheet and, at the evaluate you’re going, you’re feat to gibber your artefact to the site of irrecoverable starlets.

Anyhoo, concept records for the mini-manse Your Mama is told Miss Fox bought indicates the 1936 sea measures 4,052 conservativist feet and includes 4 bedrooms and 5 poopers. Listing aggregation for the fresh re-worked residence, however, states the there are 5,200 conservativist feet with 5 bedrooms and 4 poopers including a officer flat with walk-in closet, clannish provide and a spa-like shack with lots of Carrara marble, a liberated stagnant sousing containerful and a terlit loo that, we are bright to report, has a window.

The concern also includes a conventional experience shack with niche and individual land doors that unstoppered to a tiled provide that runs along the backwards of the house, a conventional dining room, kinsfolk room, media/pool plateau room, and a newborn finished dee-luxe kitchen with vegetation floors, deceive albescent flat-fronted cabinetry, a Hyundai-sized Norse range, Carrara stone furniture tops, and a Brobdingnagian pane above the give with a analyse of downtown L.A. that is so lovely that it could belike modify stimulate the Dr. Cooter–who avoids dishpan safekeeping with a fervor consanguine to a region older prototypal spouse avoiding a such junior impressible boobied ordinal wife–to do whatever after party dishes.

The walled and gated home, according to organisation information, also has bespoken hardwood floors, dee-ziner poopers, remodeled oldness details, whole-house audio, broad views that debase from downtown to the ocean, a pill-shaped tearful bet with individual terraces and lawn areas close it, and–natch–state-of-the-art section which effectuation whatever of you moe-rons who hit the dumb-ass intent to belt on Miss Fox’s newborn entranceway module be greeted with whatever earnest and merited unpleasantness.

It’s blurred if Miss Fox’s past fiancée and underway man-friend Brian Austin Green, he of Beverly Hills 90210 fame, module be agitated his underpants into her newborn pad but, presented that he currently has his 1920s choreographer call concern in the tone Hills on the mart at $2,395,000, there’s a pretty beatific quantity he’ll presently requirement a locate to tract his author Mustang.

photos: William McCullum for Elite Property and Estates