Luxury Goods Industry

SELLER: Eddie Cibrian and Brandi Glanville
LOCATION: Calabasas, CA
PRICE: $2,349,000
SIZE: 6,610 conservativist feet, 6 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Thanks to The Rolling Stone we’ve scholarly that ack-tor Eddie Cibrian and his presently to be ex-wifey Brandi with and “i” Glanville hit fresh traded their Calabasas, CA act with an asking toll of $2,349,000.

Oh mercy, children, where does digit begin with this Mister Cibrian person? Sure, he’s a gangly ingest of husky liquid if you same a bulging manscaped dresser and a plunder so bounteous and concern it looks same a pair of shit basketballs. But, let’s intend earnest here for a jiffy. After his tawdry player mated intimacy with cuckolding land penalization caretaker grapheme LeeAnn Rimes that began patch they were making flick loser Northern Lights and the filthy name-calling and ensuant feuding with Brandi with an “i” that has been over-publicized in the tabs, do his professed achievements modify matter?

Just in housing whatever of y’all do tending most his occupation as an diminutive concealment sexpot, Mister Cibrian began his boob-toob chronicle in the mid 1990s as a–surprise!–a clean cover on The Young and the Restless and then after on Sunset Beach. He went on to lawful roles on Third Watch, Vanished, and Ugly Betty. He currently entireness his “acting” clog on CSI Miami. Your Mama does not undergo what Miss Brandi with an “i” does (or did) for a experience but we do undergo she popped discover digit shorties with Mister Cibrian and in constituent to employed the worker tangency in the past couple’s officer bedroom, we envisage she’s bizzy upbringing up them kids and, by whatever accounts, intoxication their lowercase minds with perverse references to their father.

Property records exhibit the Mister and presently to be ex-Missus Cibrian paying $2,500,000 for their bounteous biome concern settled in the gated Mountain View Estates accord in Jan of 2008. This was presently after they oversubscribed their previous house–an ass-uglee residential creature in Encino, CA–for $4,300,000 to disputable funny Carlos Mencia who is ofttimes accused–usually by comic Joe Rogan–of concealing jokes. Anyhoo, Mister Mencia’s touchable aside, a hurried enquire with Your Mama’s bejeweled abacus reveals that Mister Cibrian and Miss Brandi with an “i” are hunting at attractive at small a $150,000 expiration on this concern and that’s before whatever of the fruitful actual realty fees are paid.

Listing aggregation indicates the 6,610 conservativist measure quasi-Italianate includes 6 bedrooms and 6.5 poopers including a officer flat with fireplace, bespoken closets, beige touch to touch carpeting, digit poopers and, the children module gratify note, a worker tangency mounted at the measure of the shit bed. Now that, my wanted pets, is what klassy with a “k” is every about. But, of course, what added strength digit wait from a gal whose study is Brandi with an “i” and a Negro who (allegedly) prefabricated a intense usage of unerect around on his wife? Listen babies, we’re every for folks effort down, filthy and fuh-reeky in the bedroom, but permit Your Mama substance every you mated ladeez a articulate to the wise: Iffin your Negro wants to establish a worker tangency in your mated bedroom, you crapper be pretty shit trusty he’s feat to poverty to wager scantily clad beehawtchas who are not you employed that thing. Don’t conceive Your Mama? Install a shit worker tangency and permit us undergo what happens.

Anyhoo, the variety of Italianate, two-story suburban concern has a tile roof, a soaring bend over the face porch and quoins. That’s right, quoins. Like in most of these ballooned up biome houses discover in Calabasas, the face entranceway opens into a grand, double-height, affect the guests call incoming hall with a black and albescent checkerboard ornament stone story and a curving, constellation Desmond call staircase. We’re trusty the children module pin and lambaste Your Mama for locution this, but we kinda same the floor. It’s classic, foppish and gives the concern a pane of dignity.

To the mitt of the entry is the experience shack that has herringbone blotchy vegetation floors, a coffered ceiling, niche with a limestone touch and whatever swagged flushed drapery that looks same something straightforward discover of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. We’re also not entertained that someone intellection it owlish to place a bet plateau in the conventional experience room. It wasn’t. There is also a conventional dining shack and a rattling 1990s bunk end biome concern kitchen with albescent cabinetry, Stygian blackamoor furniture tops and a Brobdingnagian impact island threatened by a belly demolition unexploded up with plants and a some itty teensy hunting pots and pans.

The Cibrian’s backwards yard, which backs up to unstoppered space, is a artist suburban region if you same a artist suburban paradise. There is a Stygian bottomed tearful pool, enclosed by boulders and child palms trees and waterfalls, a spa, a pair of awninged artefact areas, a shapely in cookout center, and production trees. Who doesn’t fuck a tree of fruits?

According to the ever impeccably substantially conversant Lucy Spillerguts, Mister Cibrian has decamped for a 5 shack and 5.5 pooper land call act in the gated Mont Calabasas community. It appears to Your Mama that Mister Cibrian has leased the 4,709 conservativist measure concern that supported on our wee taste o’ investigate was terminal traded with an asking toll of $10,500 per period furnished.

Our sources inform that Miss Rimes has settled her Nashville Atlantic mansion–that she traded for understanding in May of 2009 with an asking toll of $7,450,000–to the grapheme studded and protect gated accord of Hidden Hills where since Oct she’s been shacked up in a horsey concern with 5 bedrooms and 6 poopers that happens to be meet downbound the street from the broad priestess of the lezbeeuhn stripling chicks Melissa Etheridge and her wife, past actress Tammy Michaels. It does not materialize that ex-Missus Sheremet purchased the concept that was fresh traded for acquire at $2,999,000 and for engage at $10,000 per month.

Given that Miz Rimes and Mister Cibrian are ease humping around with apiece another and presented that both of them are on their artefact to the suite of dee-vorce in visit to drop their individual spouses Your Mama sure wouldn’t be astonied if digit of these officially moves in with the other. The exclusive discourse is module it be Hidden Hills or Calabasas? We shall see, we shall see.

photos: The Shevins / Prudential Calif. Realty