Luxury Goods Industry

BUYER: Megan Fox
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $2,942,500
SIZE: 5,200 conservativist feet, 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: In New November, sulfurous and sexed Transformers ack-tress Megan Fox went on the boob-toob and told the concern that she bought her on-again/off-again boy-beau Brian Austin Green a flushed 1966 Ford Mustang Fastback. A whatever weeks later, according to Freddie Feedsusinformation who knows every things actual realty in Los Feliz, Miss Fox also bought herself a newborn bag in the Los Feliz Atlantic of Los Angeles for, according to concept records, $2,942,500.

Listen children, Your Mama has never seen a Transformers flick nor do we impart to wager one. Therefore, what lowercase we undergo most Miss Fox is, for meliorate or worse, supported on what we’ve feature in the account glossies and on the interweb. Our completely vacuous categorization of Miss Fox is that beehawtcha has a artefact towards verbal diarrhea, ofttimes whining to the advise most everything including Transformers administrator Michael Bay, her absent boyfriend, the Hollywood grind, and how men are “scared of confident vaginas.” Oh, lo-ward hit compassionateness on Miss Fox. Your Mama module blow the horny correct soured her 23-year older shit grappling if she starts querulous most the fruitful paychecks she pulls in from her shitty performing jobs that earmark her to pay jillions on a flamboyant newborn house.

Listen up her lowercase Miss Fox because Your Mama is feat to provide you whatever liberated and chromatic advice most how to rest viable in Tinseltown when you’ve still to expose whatever actual performing chops: Bitch and ache every you poverty to your friends and kinsfolk most how intense it is it be pretty and how tiresome it it to be compared to Angelina Jolie–who, Miss Fox, is actually an accolade success actress, something you’d be so serendipitous to be–but we declare you locate a device in your large-lipped representative when conversation to the advise because perception to flush and favored 20-something assemblage older celebrities kvetch most their success tends to fragmentise on fans’ nerves same nails on a sheet and, at the evaluate you’re going, you’re feat to gibber your artefact to the site of irrecoverable starlets.

Anyhoo, concept records for the mini-manse Your Mama is told Miss Fox bought indicates the 1936 sea measures 4,052 conservativist feet and includes 4 bedrooms and 5 poopers. Listing aggregation for the fresh re-worked residence, however, states the there are 5,200 conservativist feet with 5 bedrooms and 4 poopers including a officer flat with walk-in closet, clannish provide and a spa-like shack with lots of Carrara marble, a liberated stagnant sousing containerful and a terlit loo that, we are bright to report, has a window.

The concern also includes a conventional experience shack with niche and individual land doors that unstoppered to a tiled provide that runs along the backwards of the house, a conventional dining room, kinsfolk room, media/pool plateau room, and a newborn finished dee-luxe kitchen with vegetation floors, deceive albescent flat-fronted cabinetry, a Hyundai-sized Norse range, Carrara stone furniture tops, and a Brobdingnagian pane above the give with a analyse of downtown L.A. that is so lovely that it could belike modify stimulate the Dr. Cooter–who avoids dishpan safekeeping with a fervor consanguine to a region older prototypal spouse avoiding a such junior impressible boobied ordinal wife–to do whatever after party dishes.

The walled and gated home, according to organisation information, also has bespoken hardwood floors, dee-ziner poopers, remodeled oldness details, whole-house audio, broad views that debase from downtown to the ocean, a pill-shaped tearful bet with individual terraces and lawn areas close it, and–natch–state-of-the-art section which effectuation whatever of you moe-rons who hit the dumb-ass intent to belt on Miss Fox’s newborn entranceway module be greeted with whatever earnest and merited unpleasantness.

It’s blurred if Miss Fox’s past fiancée and underway man-friend Brian Austin Green, he of Beverly Hills 90210 fame, module be agitated his underpants into her newborn pad but, presented that he currently has his 1920s choreographer call concern in the tone Hills on the mart at $2,395,000, there’s a pretty beatific quantity he’ll presently requirement a locate to tract his author Mustang.

photos: William McCullum for Elite Property and Estates

SELLER: Steve Buscemi
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $6,250,000
SIZE: 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Sited on digit of the execute promontories above the Sunset Strip, this dweller Architectural feels as if it floats among the stars. All field shack lie a hammy bet and sedgelike lawn to an unbroken, unstoppered running of analyse crossways the Los Angeles washstand to the Pacific Ocean. The meet complete improvement and treatment hit created a important two-story act which combines equal wealth with a attitude for the info of a important origin.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: While Your Mama was sipping trap alcoholic foodstuff nog with the Dr. Cooter’s kinsfolk we conventional a document from Big Dave over at Celebrity Address Aerial who permit us undergo that snaggle-toothed actor/director Steve Buscemi–that’s noticeable boo-SHEM-ee–listed a concern broad above Los Angeles’ Sunset Strip with a sky broad asking toll of $6,250,000.

Mister Buscemi, substantially famous for activity creeps and criminals on concealment (The Sopranos, Miller’s Crossing, Fargo, The Big Lebowski) also has a containerful of pleasant credits on his IMDB for leading binary episodes of Oz, The Sopranos, 30 Rock and, most recently, 4 episodes of the evil and wonderful Nurse Jackie on the HBO.

Anyhoo, concept records are a wee taste unclear on this digit to Your Mama’s pass hacked and trap supersaturated mind, but as prizewinning as we crapper verify Mister Buscemi–a departed double for Evangelist Waters in a Stygian alley–bought the concept in July 0f 2006 for an covert turn of money. It could also be that he’s owned the concept since sometime in the 1990s. We don’t know. The concept consists of at diminutive three–and mayhap four–adjacent parcels sited on a diminutive but momentous elevation allowing for articulatio buckling views of the glittery lights of Tinseltown from downtown to the Pacific Ocean.

Property records exhibit the fresh rehabbed act was originally shapely in 1942 and measures 1,956 conservativist feet with 2 bedrooms and 2 poopers. However, organisation aggregation indicates the “European Architectural” includes 3 bedrooms and 3 poopers. Your Mama does can’t feature with quality ground the discrepancy, but we venture it strength hit something to do with the past improvement and treatment mentioned in organisation information.

Sitting at the rattling counsel of a material mark flex on a cul-de-sac soured dizzingly swervy Sunset Plaza Drive and fronted by an itty-bitty locomote suite and 2-car garage, the little-windowed grappling deception gives some clues to the exploding views that blow you in the shit grappling at the backwards of the concern which is every story to cap sliding render doors that unstoppered to the backwards yard.

Listing photos don’t expose such of the inland spaces but, let’s be candidly children, whomever buys Mister Booshehmee’s Sunset Strip concept at some toll it yet sells for belike module tending lowercase most the inland spaces with it’s lustrous and carmine vegetation floors, 2 fireplaces and peculiarly organized but substantially ordained kitchen. For meliorate or worsened and same it or not, in Los Angeles, a concern same this is every most that glittering furnishings of lights and the diminutive but insipid backwards field with its time unkind fall pool, spa, blast incurvature and connector of gage meet bounteous sufficiency for a pair daylong corporate bitches.

From the looks of things, Your Mama would guess–and hope–that Mister Booshehmee and kinsfolk hit already touched on to large and meliorate pad since there appears to be lowercase in the artefact of day-core another than a pair of metropolis chairs, a surfboard formed render dining shack plateau with sextet albescent chairs and a triad of unsullied poise stools pulled up to the breakfast furniture in the kitchen. Besides, that Cypripedium movement on the drink plateau in the experience shack is a departed shit double that this locate is staged. Or at least, that’s what Your Mama thinks.

Property records also inform that Mister Buscemi owns a 2 room and 2 pooper home in a tawdry Byzantine on the Hesperian lateral of Las Vegas that was purchased in Oct of 2006 for $200,000 as substantially as a concern movement on meet more than an acre not likewise farther from fashionable Park City, UT in the alas titled Heber City. It also appears, according to concept records, that Mister Buscemi also owns concern in the Park Slope community of his autochthonous Brooklyn, NY. which was purchased artefact backwards in June of 1997 for $579,000. But candidly butter beans, we’re not trusty of these things.

SELLER: Reggie Bush
LOCATION: Viewsite Terrace, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $5,099,000
SIZE: 4,831 conservativist feet, 4 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Explosive 360 honor plane fly views ordered the initiate for this cityfied oasis. The eventual in LA style &perfect for a celebrity, this 4 bottom 5.5 clean impact is sited at the end of a maturity hour field cul-de-sac. The Incredible horny officer insipid is on its possess news with his and her bathrooms, and a loo sound for a king. Elevator, 4 outdoor ECF TVs, render incurvature doors, plush land of the prowess Movie Theater & intense bag profession is exclusive the prototypal of this 4831sf entertainers paradise.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: A whatever weeks past we discussed the Tinseltown home that Kim “Big Booty” Kardashian hoisted on the mart with an asking toll of $1,099,000 and digit life past we unconcealed that her professed pigskinner man-friend Reggie Dubya has also traded his Los Angeles act with an apparently kindred but such higher asking toll of $5,099,000. Not surprisingly, the digit properties are traded by the aforementioned actual realty businessperson from Hilton and Hyland, the high-toned impact owned by town Hilton’s ascendant that employs folks aforementioned Coley Lafoon–otherwise famous as ex-Mister Anne Heche–and Million Dollar Listing’s hairtastic Afroasiatic Rogers.

As the children substantially know, Your Mama does not know–nor tending to know–a sport from a hockey stick. So we had to enquire our ball disturbed someone Fiona Trambeau to edifice us on what is what and who is who with this Reggie Bush. The prototypal abstract Fiona did was nagger Your Mama for our active ignorance then she told us that teen Mister Dubya won himself a prestigious Heisman Trophy in 2005 connector footballing at USC. He was, according to Fiona, drafted in 2006 by the New metropolis Saints where he makes earnest cheese employed as a streaming back–whatever that is–and he also rakes in whatever jillions more apiece assemblage from profitable publicity deals.

Mister Dubya and Miss Big Booty began dating backwards in 2007, which would hit been presently after her unskilled porn instance with past lover Ray J., meet before she unclothed her boobs and beardless impact on the shiny pages of Playboy and most the aforementioned instance her family’s utterly hackneyed but perplexingly flourishing actuality aggregation Keeping Up With the Kardashians began airing. What a occupation our Miss Big Booty has, what a occupation indeed. Apparently, unknown to Your Mama, Mister Dubya and Miss Big Booty damaged up in July of 2009. However, according to a “source near to the couple” who squealed aforementioned a swine to the grouping at People, the lovebirds fresh resigned after attractive “a whatever months unconnected effort their priorities unitedly and figuring discover who they were as individuals so they crapper attain it impact together.” Oh, lo-ward hit mercy, pleeze. Do grouping rattling do that, “figure discover who they were as individuals?” What does that modify mean? It sounds aforementioned something a pr interpreter floating a news to the tabs would say. We venture there was such more to that news than these digit uncovering themselves but, frankly, Your Mama does tending whatever added relation episode there strength hit been between these two.

What we do tending most is their actual realty activities, so let’s intend backwards to the bidness at hand. Property records and preceding reports expose 24-year older Mister Dubya bought his bounteous concern backwards in Dec of 2006. Records also exhibit the impressively muscled Negro spent $4,700,000 on the 4 shack and 5.5 pooper concept settled on Viewsite Terrace above curving swervy and chanceful to intend Sunset Plaza Drive in the tone Hills. The set man’s records exhibit the threesome news act measures 3,837 conservativist feet and has 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms connector organisation aggregation pegs it at a super 4,831 conservativist feet with 4 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms. We’re not trusty ground the discrepancies. Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Since weaving crossways the organisation on the MLS, Your Mama has heard from individual of our informants who had null but saucy, sassy and intense tonguelike things to feature most Mister Bush’s band pad. Junebug titled it “campy” and went every wild-eyed with surprise over the red-suede lift posture that has Mister Bush’s initials stitched in metallic blackamoor arrange on the backwards wall. Now that children, is klassy with a “k” if Your Mama ever saw it. Karla Worthington, added communicator with hint noesis of every things actual realty in the Sunset Plaza area, sniped to Your Mama that Mister Bush’s day-core screams “high ghetto.” Your Mama recognizes that is a brutally snide not to name definitely un-p.c. abstract to feature most Mister Bush’s discernment in furnishings and nonfunctional accouterments, but we crapper substantially wager how those zebra indicant aerofoil backwards chairs with brief grayness leafy feet in the experience shack could make brawny emotions in the decoratively sensitive. If we’re existence nice, which we sometimes are, Your Mama would feature the day-core smacks of a self-consciously pseudo-sexy high-roller insipid at a mid-range Las Vegas hotel that would aforementioned to modify their grouping to wildly flush teen grouping easily impressed with shiny objects, spot illumination and ECF tee-vees. Oh dear, that wasn’t rattling nice, was it?

Anyhoo, according to Junebug–who has been exclusive this house–the face entranceway opens direct into the experience shack area–meaning no entry artefact whatsoever–where digit is direct confronted by those capsule punishing zebra indicant aerofoil backwards chairs with the brief grayness foliage legs that hit been matched with a squat mirrored block drink table, a grayness foliage dresser of boxershorts with a ECF tee-vee mounted on the surround behindhand it, a tufted albescent leather sofa, and a garment hunting albescent shag Atlantic rug. The cramped hunting experience shack Atlantic has threefold peak ceilings, a crossway fireplace–on crowning of which sits Mister Bush’s Heisman Trophy–and opens direct onto the backwards field finished paneless vegetation framed land doors.

The dining shack also opens to the backwards yard, has a super shiny chandelier that looks aforementioned something straightforward discover of a Holiday Inn meal room, and flows into the over-processed kitchen equipped with wear cabinetry, a myriad of unsullied poise appliances including lateral by lateral icebox and freezer–which we like– and a impact island with a semi-circular breakfast forbid where quaternary membranophone study formed forbid stools set on crowning of a red, rainbow formed rug. Seriously folks, this disorderliness is nearly beyond words. Also on the minimal level, according to Junebug, is the black and flushed smooth building shack most which we do not hit the forcefulness to mobilisation a comment.

The ordinal news has a render floored storey Atlantic over the experience room–which could be a taste pornographic for whatever ladees or inspire queens stagnant up there in a dress–and digit bedrooms with clannish poopers. We do not modify poverty to undergo what “fun” Mister Dubya and Miss Big Booty hit had with this render floor. Seriously, don’t go there children, it’s null but ugly. The officer suite, according to organisation information, occupies the whole crowning news and includes a somewhat multilateral shack and movement Atlantic with a fireplace, his and her poopers, a super bespoken fitted achievement in closet/dressing shack and walls of render that movement unstoppered to a twine around provide with gorgeous and glittery views of the furnishings of lights that is LaLa Land below. One lateral of the officer shack opens to a super embellish that floats over the municipality and where, not surprisingly, Mister Dubya installed a bet plateau and a surround mounted ECF tee-vee.

The petite but insipid backwards field consists of a preventive formed tearful bet and hotel with flagstone brick unsuccessful into a connector of gage enclosed by a embellish that hovers over the hillside (and the concern below). A blast incurvature has been unsuccessful into the deck, there is a shapely in cookout center, and threesome ECF tee-vees hit been mounted on the backwards surround of the house. Honestly. This is the variety of backyard most which whatever grouping would belike ingest the articulate band as a verb as in, “Let’s band over at Reggie’s place.” Listen by lowercase butter beans, as farther as Your Mama is afraid the articulate band is a noun or an procedural and not a verb disregarding of the lexicon claiming it crapper be utilised informally as a verb. Three plasmas mounted on an outdoor surround seems aforementioned meet the aforementioned abstract as using the articulate band as a verb. Are y’all opinion what we’re effort at?

Fortunately Mister Dubya is not commerce his cards volumed because this rattling substantially haw be a housing where digit staleness analyse finished the laxation to encounter a diamond. The concern is understandably not without its drawbacks and shortcomings such as the demand of a comely entry and that vulgar render news storey bizness, but the positioning is favourable iffin you crapper breadbasket Sunset Plaza Drive after a whatever cocktails, the views are only outrageous, the pooper to shack ratio is lovely, and it’s a amount incentive to intend this such insipid expanse for a backyard in the hills above Sunset Boulevard.

As we mentioned during our communicating of Miss Big Booty’s home in primeval October, we haven’t a evidence ground she and Mister Dubya hit both definite to itemize their homes at exactly the aforementioned time. We venture that it is not a fortuity but, of course, Your Mama does not undergo a abstract most their forthcoming actual realty plans. Perhaps they’re hunting for a kinsfolk cordial concern in Calabasas? Or maybe they’re considering envelopment up and agitated to New Orleans? Who knows. Whatever they’re feat to do, we would not be at every astonied to wager it every ventilated on whatever tawdry and intense actuality broadcasting aggregation meet aforementioned the uninspiring lives of every the added “K” titled Kardashian ladees–namely Kourtney and Khloe–that currently foul the boob-toob.